Learning to express displeasure politely invites a civilized discussion and increases the likelihood that the other person will accept your point of view.


This was a lesson that a Harvard Business School professor apparently did not consider before sending a series of arrogant emails to a Chinese restaurant owner whose prices did not match those that appeared on the restaurant’s website.

As Patricia Sinacole, an HR consultant, says in a Boston Globe column, no one likes to be ripped off, but there is a tactful way to manage conflict (http://bit.ly/1Ci47Jg). A little kindness goes a long way.

The incident holds important lessons for people in the workplace, particularly for managers and others in leadership positions. In any delicate situation, maintain your poise, whether you are writing or speaking. Recognize that you might not know all the facts, and if you learn that the situation is not what you think it is, you will be embarrassed for speaking too soon, and your credibility will be tarnished.

When you are upset at someone — perhaps you feel wronged, or an employee made an inexcusable error — the real reason you are communicating is not to express your anger. It is to motivate the other person to change his or her behavior. And for that to occur, you need for that person to understand and accept your point of view. The more calm, reasonable, and positive you are, the more likely you are to get your desired results.